Making of Me wrote this comment in response to blog post "What You Talkin' About Willis?":
Until today, the habit I would resort to was to be busy. I would create all these "things" or "responsibilities" that I just had to tend to. I was busy everyday, all day. Busy with work, busy with kids, with errands. Even if I could have some down time, I was looking for something to get into. Even if I was sitting in a friend’s house, watching TV, I was "busy". Too busy to tend to myself, too busy to tend to my responsibilities at home. Too busy to sit in what I'm feeling, or what has hurt me that triggers me to act a fool. My goal now is to be still more often and not deflect things/people who offend me.
Yiiiiaaaaasss! I hear you talking! What I hear you saying is that you have recognized that you have a habit of being too busy. You create things to do to avoid being still. You recognize that, in the past, you used busy-ness to avoid sitting in your feelings. And you are now ready to be still? I’m I hearing you correctly?
I feel your willingness to examine habitual behaviors that no longer serve you. It takes courage to examine your “stuff” and to do something different.
This is what I want to know from you:
*What feelings are you attempting to mask by being “too busy” to feel them?
*When you say you are “too busy to tend to yourself, too busy to tend to my responsibilities at home”, what is the pay off for being too busy to care for yourself and your responsibilities?
Be very clear, there is ALWAYS a payoff for our behavior. Are you willing to look at yourself with authentic eyes? You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge! And you don’t want to spend your time fixing a lie, do you?
Here are some common payoffs for habit behaviors that no longer serve us:
- I have been done wrong so I remain the victim of my story.
- I want to prove to (the world) how tough life is for me.
- I want someone to rescue me.
- I don’t deserve peace in my life.
- I am punishing myself.
I offer that you take this moment to uncover your particular payoff. Get quiet. Take a moment to just BE in your stillness. Then, ask yourself what is your payoff? And write down what comes up for you… let it all OUT! All the emotions, all the fears, all the doubts, all the guilt, all the shame…. Let it out. This will be uncomfortable but you will survive it and be better for it. I promise! By getting clear about what you are avoiding with your busy-ness is the beginning of shifting the course of your life. It’s time to be about the business of healing your soul.
And by the way… what do you mean that “what has hurt me that triggers me to act a fool”? That’s too funny! How you are out there in the world actin’ a fool??? No judgment. Lets talk about it!