Lost in Love wrote this comment in response to blog post “I’m Moving On”.
“I am holding onto a relationship that is a vicious cycle of unbelievable happiness & ugly, painful, stupid arguments. It is very hard letting go of something that is so good yet at the same time so very bad for my spirit. Praying I can finally & move on.”
Dear Lost in Love,
I feel your emotion all over this page. If I hear you correctly, you are feeling stuck and you don’t know how to get out. Furthermore, you feel trapped in the cycle of what you describe as a painful relationship.
I don’t know whether this is a marriage, a live-in partner, or if you share children. Those factors really make a difference when you are sorting out how you will move on. Without knowing the details, I would offer exploring whether you are in a co-dependent relationship. Do any of these statements ring true for your relationship:
- In spite of your best efforts, people
- You're dating or married to an alcoholic or addict (any kind of addict), and/or you have a history of attracting damaged people into your life.
- You do things for your partner that he or she can and should be doing, all in the name of love. In fact, maybe your mother or sister repeatedly tells you that you help this person a little too much.
- You let your partner have his or her way, and then feel overwhelmed with anger and resentment. "Look at all I do for you!" Is a common phrase in the codependent’s vocabulary.
- You feel responsible for your partner's actions and behaviors, because LOVE.
- You're always talking about/worrying about your partner's issues, making them your issues.
- You've allowed irresponsible, hurtful behavior in your relationship—not just physically, but emotionally or financially. Instead of walking away, your deep compassion for this person makes you want to stay and help.
- Your partner's mood affects your day.
- You always want to know what your partner is doing or thinking, and you often get involved in his or her business.
- Your partner's needs always seem to be met, while your needs and wants are ignored.
- You have trouble pinpointing your own feelings and thoughts, or you diminish/deny how you feel.
Brunch at Tiffany’s will address co-dependent relationships as the months go by yet I would like for you to consider that you could be in a co-dependent entanglement. The first step to healing are to be aware, acknowledgment, accept your reality. Once you are able to acknowledge this you can start taking the steps on how you can move forward.
Take this list, read it, think about it, feel it… feel what the Spirit is telling you is Truth.
How are you in a co-dependent relationship? Write me back and let’s talk about it.