Yes, healthy relationships thrive on compromise. God knows, this is a tough concept to master. After 15 years of marriage, it still isn’t easy for me to navigate. This is what I know for sure, the art of compromise is truly a learned behavior. Showing up whole in a relationship strengthens the bond, allows for you to express yourself while hearing your partners perspective. It plants the seed of love and selflessness and sows more intimacy and trust. But it ain’t easy and dare I say it often times doesn’t feel natural???
But what are the signs that you have stopped compromising in your relationship and are now only surviving in a compromised relationship?
When you abandoned the best part of you to sustain this relationship, you are now in a compromised relationship. It is time for YOU to do something different! And I didn’t say it’s time for the other person to do something different, I didn’t say it was time for TYRONE to do something different. I said THIS IS A PERFECT TIME FOR YOOOOOOOOOOOU TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT! Because this kind of compromise is coming from your wounded self with an intent to control, not from your loving adult with an intent to learn and foster intimacy.
Here are some of the signs that you have crossed the line from compromising in a relationship and compromising for a relationship:
- You deny, suppress or repress a meaningful portion of yourself?
- You give yourself up and go along with something that doesn’t feel right to you inside.
- When you are trying to please the other person so that he or she will approve of you or not reject you or not get angry.
- When the person brings out more of the worst part of you
- You feel unsafe compromising because you feel your partner will judge or abuse it.
- Must stop being yourself and compromise your believes, self worth or integrity.
- When you compromise so much you barely recognize yourself
- When all your other relationships fill you up and this one leaves depleted and starving
- You tolerate behavior that you know is unacceptable and would judge someone for enduring the same thing
- When you give up your group of friends
While you might feel some relief for the moment when you compromise your integrity, in the long run you will feel anxious, depressed and/or angry about it. We cannot compromise our personal integrity without suffering these consequences. You might think you are anxious, depressed or angry because of your partner’s demands, but the truth is you are causing these feelings by trying to control your partner with your caretaking.
I know this is not easy to admit, but have you abandoned YOUR SELF to be in your current relationship? Let’s talk about it!